Drive-Thru Style Crispy Rabbit Sandwiches

Satisfy that fast food craving with crispy-fried rabbit that rivals any of your favorite chicken sandwiches

The road gets noticeably busier and the ditches alongside you slowly turn into sidewalks as you drive further into the city, returning from your morning hunt. The sun has risen high since you got up at that ungodly hour and a rumble in your stomach reminds you that you haven’t had anything to eat in quite some time. That travel mug of coffee on the way in can only take you so far. 

The brace of wild rabbits rolling around in the back of your truck with your hunting paraphernalia will certainly make a good meal at some point, but that point is not right now; another loud stomach growl goes to prove it. 

You stop at a red light and your gaze is drawn to glowing golden arches in the near-distance. 

“Hmmm,” you say to yourself. “Hmmmm…”

A Gollum-like voice appears unbidden in your head. Yes. Why shouldn’t I treat myself to some fast food? Am I not hungry? Have I not had any food since yesterday? Do I not deserve a crispy chicken sandwich, my precious?

The light turns green and the arches float nearer as you press the gas. You know you shouldn’t. You know it’s probably going to disappoint you. You know your guts aren’t going to thank you. You know you don’t need the extra calories. You KNOW you have better food at home. You know what? Not this time; you’re not going to give in to the craving. 

Pulling up the drive-thru, you put in your order. 

“Fries and soda with my chicken burger? Why not. Make them large.”

The speaker nestled in the menu box repeats your order in a garbled, robotic voice, and then mentions the price before telling you to drive up to the next window. 

“Seventeen dollars?! Jesus, when did that happen?” you mutter to yourself as you roll up to the first window, feeling old. 

You give the bored-looking teen your money and drive up to the second window. Another teen, this one overly cheerful, lets you know that there will be a wait, and could you just pull up and park over there for a minute? You hear a strange grinding noise coming from the car, but when you turn down the radio, it turns out to be your teeth. The fast food regret is already settling in. 

Five minutes later, a kid in an orange vest meanders over with your order, passing it through your window. You peel out of the parking lot, one hand on the wheel, the other rifling through the paper bag for French fries. 

Two minutes later, you’re surprised to find the food is gone—stuffed into your face with zero attention paid, other than a vague memory of a disappointingly small and squished sandwich with mayo splurted out of the sides. You look down and see that the mayo has splurted all over your shirt, too. Guess you’re not hiding this one from your partner. 

You grimly drive the rest of the way home, a rock of guilt and heavily processed food settling into the bottom of your stomach. The giant soda that seemed like a great idea at the time is struggling to wash it all down. 

Why do we do this to ourselves? Or more accurately, why do I do this to myself?

The craving is real, and can be intense, but the pay-off is hardly worth it, especially at today’s prices. Thing is, you already did a lot of work to get those rabbits; why not a little bit more for something that settles that craving (and more!) while allowing you to remain happy with your decisions?

This reverse-engineered crispy rabbit sandwich does take a little bit of extra work to make, but the pay-off is definitely worth it. In fact, I’ll go as far as saying it’s the best “chicken” sandwich I’ve ever had in my life. That’s a big boast, but I’ll stand by it. 

Made with wild ingredients like rabbit and duck fat, the sandwich remains much more wholesome than anything from the King or Clown, but still gives you that greasy dopamine hit you’ve been chasing since you were a bored teen handing out paper bags through drive-thru windows.